I'm so touched. Everyone has been so nice to me. During this period, everyone has to put up with the bitchy, crazy, sad-ish, screaming, emo-ing me. I get emo for some reason, then I go crazy and scream around like a mad person. Beh tahan. BUT. Everyone is still there for me. Zhi Feng gave me his Chips More, Marcus accompanied me, Chee Kuan is always cheering me up, Zi Qin very prihatin, JiJin let me see his IC (not exactly let, I sendiri take one), Wei Pin and Wai Kit being absolutely nonsensical, Wei Qin being my bird bird throughout.

Suddenly I realized how lucky I am. Thein kiuuu!!


Pee Ass: Marcus if you say that apple thing again I'm never gonna talk to you again.
PeePee Ass: Website delete thing over. Am not gonna mention it ever again.

PeePeePee Ass:

Cobwebs in corners,

Students, not spiders.
Still asleep, still dreaming.

JY
I love you guys.
Everyone unimportant too.

This sukan thing has gone on long enough. It has to stop, but not before we win our fight! Mr Hong has ask us to delete our Facebook, Friendster, Plurk, Twitter, Blogger, and whatever shit there is on the web. I will NOT give in. Checking it on the web is one thing, but asking us to delete it? That isn't up to the school. Just because one guy does it doesn't mean everyone will. I use it for the better good. Hahah, wait that sounds movie-ish. Either way, at least my blog is gonna be safe cuz it's private.

Lunch was a drag. I got a fish bone stuck in my gums. It's not in my teeth so don't say I have improper eating habits. Its stuck in my inner gums, way deep, and I can't get it out! Currently icing it. Painful one you know. Dammit, I don't wanna go to the dentist. I've generally got good teeth one ok?

PeeAss: A lot of unexpected SMSs these days. Chris msged me that day, just to crap on normally stuff. I suppose we're out of the awkward stage now. AND. ZK said he misses me out of the blue. Doesn't mean anything right? Erm, right? tRash. It doesn't mean anything at all.

JY
OK, fine.
I shut up.

Sports day is so over under whatever and so wherever rated. Mixed feelings are mixed like so awesome-oh-my-mismatched-Godly-sad-hollers. Simply cannot stand. I hide my feelings soh soh well! In a good way and in a bad one. My mood swings amplitude are so muthafreakingly HUGE. Beh tahan.

I simply cannot tahan to mention it here again. But I had a great time, despite the running and crying and BOO-ing and the mixed feelings. All in all. I sometimes feel like I say things worthy of the universe, but most of the time I still shut up 'cos it sounds ass-ish.

Lastly I love myself. A lot. Weird though I'm the only one that cannot make me cry. =)

PS: I got sucked into this beh tahan blackhole. Just have to keep saying beh tahan all the time. Weird.

JY
Let it go girl.
Just let it go.

For some weird reason, Parents and the Web must have some kind of hatred in their pass life. Maybe they were Bush and Bin Laden. Maybe they were communism and Chinese republic. They just cannot survive together in one defined space.

During the first term holidays mum thought I was addicted on PPS. That wasn't exactly true. It's just cuz I can watch movies for free and they load fast. A while later she showed me DVDs on China's web addiction and how to curb them, which is very prejudice loh. I DO NOT have web-addict. Then I started going on FB more often than necessary cuz I was always waiting for him back then. Ofcuz mum noticed. She nagged and nagged and nagged and couldn't stop. During the duration of debate and emcee-ing I had to use MSN a lot to send scripts, mum switched and thought I was addicted to MSN. I blogged about my feelings and stuff and she thought I was hooked on Blogger. Since she didn't approve of more than an hour on the web, I started using Twitter more often. It's much more quicker and convenient and it doesn't take up a lot of time. And now she thinks I'm addicted on Twitter. So the addiction chain goes: -

PPS>Facebook>MSN>Blogger>Twitter.

I dunno whats going on in her mind at all. I don't spend 24 hours on the web. I do my homework and study and stuff. and she keeps bugging me about studying as well. I'm not gonna retort and say the exams are still 1+ months away, but I'll say this: Her nagging puts me off studying EVERY SINGLE TIME. So I'll be studying and when she suddenly nags me on it, I'll be in the non-studying mode. I tried explaining this to her, but she just doesn't get it. Its not like I'm not touching on study stuff at all. She always claim she 'foresees' my schedule, then she'll try to grab the chance to tell me what she wants me to do all the time. I'm turning 17 mum. I'm not a kid anymore.

I want so much to open your eyes,
'Cos I need you to look into mine.

JY

I'm so sick of me and my brawling habits. ;)
One minute I was thinking: It's finally over. Everything is over.
Then Suddenly I start brawling like a lil kid. It's not like I feel sad or anything, I think it's just cuz I'm so relieved everything is finally over. Suddenly I feel kinda empty, I don't have to stay up late anymore, I don't have to type till my fingers cramp, I don't have to rush here and there no more. It felt... ... Overwhelming. And so I cried.

Another thing I'm afraid of, I don't know whether I'll start to think again. Hopefully not.

JY

那天的课室，轻轻吹来的风。打瞌睡的我，坐在我旁边的你。虽然没有言语，但有一丝丝的温暖。 我睡我的觉，你做你的事。那种感觉原来还挺不赖的。可能我们以后会失去联络，不过现在的感觉告诉我你会陪着我。不计较的真心，好久没有了。你们的真心让我可以继续走下去。

原来只要不去看得不到的东西，纯粹有朋友在身旁的感觉，也是一种幸福。



Don't laugh, I just have this sudden urge to write in Chinese.

JY

I want to say I'm really tired.
I want to say I really like him.
I want to say I don't wanna be a kid anymore.
I want to say I miss talking to my brother.
I want to say I need a rest.
I want to say I wanna be there for my team.
I want to say I'm sorry to my prefects.
I want to say I'm embarrassed in 5S2 and 5S1 just now.
I want to say I don't really think we can beat PFS tomorrow.
I want to say I wish my mum can gimme a hug.
I want to say I'm jealous of Emily.
I want to say I'm sorry to Ms. Lee.
I want to say I think Mr. Loh is very irresponsible.
I want to say I'm not aigao to 5S2.
I want to say I don't like the looks I'm getting from Mr. Loh.
I want to say I hate not talking.
I want to say I want to return to back then.
I want to say I'm disappointed.
I want to say I'm very afraid of sex since I heard.
I want to say I'm not seducing you.
I want to say I only do it because I like you.
I want to say I actually saw the post you deleted.
I want to say I feel very hurt.
I want to say I have no one to talk to.
I want to say I feel alone.
I want to say I still hold your hoodie when I'm scared.

Instead I shut up and will the tears to go away.

JY
Smile.
It'll be ok.

No shit. Debate is so over/under rated.

Especially English one loh, cuz you have to juggle between both stands. Why don't they give us our stand one week before one har?! I am mentally EXHAUSTED. I think I'll be fainting already if this is physically. I haven't slept before 12am in 2 weeks(though this cannot all blame on debate). Yesterday night I found out that no one actually knows I working my ass off lor, cuz I'm so angelic I never mengira one. And I don't brag some more. XD

I'm having a concert rehearsal at10th, debate competition on the 13th, debate meeting nearly everyday before that, rehearsal again on the 14th, the actual concert on the 16th, and then the prefects marching competition on the 17th. Lets bid my life away. =/

But even through all this I am smiling.
Because there is always you to think of.

JY

Shit loads of tired-ness today. Wonder why I'm still here now.
Owh wait, I remembered. =)

Thank you Emily for today. Hallelujah!

I'm thinking: Should this blog be public? I mean it was private cuz I didn't want everyone to know how I like someone or hate someone. It's just easier to write(bad stuff)about people using their real names. But then again, I'm such an angel, I don't write stuff about people pun. There's nothing to see pun lah, in my brog I mean. So, to the only 8 people who are allowed to read my blog(I know,sad right?) what do you think? Most probably no one will reply here also lah, so I'll just ask in person. *sighs*

PS: I have, like, ONE FOLLOWER!!!

JY
Really, waiting tortures me more than thumbnails or screws.

Day out happy always ends with day out sappy if it's with my dad. I don't know what the f*ck is wrong with him. We were just a normal family on a happy outing then the next second he turns into this ball-sucking biatch. My mum left a free-gift-umbrella in the trolley after we unload our groceries in the car boot and my dad drove off and we all forgotten about it. When he realized it was gone, he blamed my mum for not checking before she got on the car. (he could have checked himself what) And he goes on and on and on about it. The thing is my mum originally put the umbrella in the trolley, then he took it out and hanged it beside the trolley. So of course when mum checked she looked inside the trolley what. So then my dad launched into this talk about how me and my mum always very irresponsible and never checked things one. I mean, it's a FREE GIFT what. Does it really matter that much? Mum said she was alright but I can sense the beh-syokness. This is how it is in my family. Today sort of reminded me why I hate talking to my dad sometimes.

We went to the book fair just now. There was this book I bought, I wasn't originally interested in it. Then I saw that Stephen Fry and Alan Davies did the foreword. I just took a look and immediately throw into the to-buy basket. It's so amazing how a few words can prompt me into buying it. XD

Because I saw the four-word by Alan Davies was:











'Will this do, Stephen?'

JY
Difficult though it is, I must continue to lie.
To myself and to you and to everyone else.

God must have decided: I'm meant to explode this year.

I've already accept the fact from you guys, from you, from them, from everyone else. If I'd just like to stay here instead of going away, what does it matter to you? Must everyone still rub it in? I know it hurts like hell, but I'm gonna hang on. I'm not gonna regret so please don't make it even harder for me. Don't destroy me. These are the few years that are gonna decide how I live my life, these are the years that are gonna determine who I am. Are you sure you wanna take that away from me?
REMINDER: You know I live near the sea. Don't make me walk in and drown myself.

A 5-month old sincerity made me so touched even though it was just a gesture. Even though I'm never gonna be there again, I'd still appreciate it. Brown bears, insincere gifts, indefferent looks. You can all go suck donkey balls. (m)

And, DAD, I've passed up the form, too late. If I get it I'm going. Want me here? Then make me.

I'm emo max these days, sorry to anyone else that did not just make my life hell.

JY

I've had enough of the irony. I tried, I smiled, I did it the way you wanted me to, I cried, I tried again.

And I'm tired.
So I'm quitting.

JY

When you feel:
Too much tiredness + too much happiness + too much emo-ness + too much super-behsyok-ness = You EXPLODE.

BTW, I've decided I don't really care anymore. When you don't care, you won't feel a goddamn thing. So what the hell. Things like this happens, right? I've just gotta accept it. Anyway, I'm feeling too tired at the moment to care about it, wanna care also cannot. =)

JY