I need to blab; I know this is so freaking random and I know I should feel really bad for abandoning my blog until I'm about to burst and need a place to pour out my amplituding emotions; but I don't care, I need to.

*bawls like a baby*

I don't care how childish this sounds; I need you here with me and I don't ever want you to leave. Stay, please, please stay. Then again I don't want you to feel trapped here when I know you could do so well in somewhere else. So I'm gonna stay strong, fix a smile on my face and wave you goodbye.

You're not like an assignment I loathe doing, I can't push this to the end of my mind and go: Ok, I don't wanna think about this anymore. Tell me how not to think about you. I've fallen into your trap and I can't pull myself out. Time is scary, time changes a lot. However much however hard we try, however sincerely we say 'I won't change', how can we be so sure? This is something I don't ever want to end. But the feeling, deep inside me, the feeling that I know one day I'd have to end it before you, is eating me up. I am really really tired of people leaving all the time; I don't do well with goodbyes. I hate people dying, I hate sending people off to the airport if I know I will not see them for a period of years. I hate departures, I hate the leave and the emptyness. I hate you, I hate you for letting me fall so deep into you. But also I am madly, unconditionally, truly head-over-heels in love with you, as I know you are with me. That is why I'd hate you for leaving, and I'd hate myself for leaving too.

JY
ineedya