-The feeling you get when you lost contact with the world for a couple of days, and you come back and find everyone else has moved on leaving you behind; now that is depressing.

-I like last year's birthday; the other 17 years, not so much. I don't know about the ones I can't remember, but all those I can, I don't specially enjoy. When you expect much, you be let down much more. I am not the kind of person whom the world celebrates as I grow a year older; I hoped to be, but I'm not.

-I know it's only a couple of days left, but I'm tired and I'm exhausted of missing you all the time.

-Brastagi trip wasn't as bad as I expected, but it's no blast either. The thing is that when I came back I just feel like I'm back to the place I didn't leave and you did.

-Some people think I'm strong, I'm not. My strength is not with me at the moment.

-I am having a lot of trouble finding things that would cheer me up recently. Things don't entertain me.

-You'd think a vacation would do you good. My vacation gave me a fever, a backache, and tonnes of work left undone. And it wasn't even a vacation I chose to go to. I went because there wasn't enough not-too-old-people or not-too-young-people to take care of the too-old-people and the too-young-people. The only thing good about it was that I had a lot of good pictures taken.

-I find that I stop having the urge to blog. Recent events have caused me to realize that the feeling of wanting to share thoughts and ponders is directed to only a few people. What's the point.

-I am a sad sad sad miserable piece of human being. I am better off existing in non-existance. Please ignore me.

-I cry. I am freaking sentimental. I cry.

-I miss you; why is that so hard to grasp? And why is the feeling so hard to get used to?

JY

Please excuse me. I am a lazy blogger. Plus, I have loads to do these days.





OK, fine. I am just plain lazy.
kthxbai

JY

When I first got into a relationship with my boyf I told only 4 people. 2 of whom have left the country; one other is not in Penang; the only one of them in Penang needs to study for her SPMs; and my boyf is across the sea 2 hours away. So, no. No one gets to tease me about how much a stalker I'm being; because I miss them, so yeah, I am an avid stalker. I miss them.

JY

I miss everyone.

JY

you are my greatest gift

:')

Seeeeee, I dunno why I stop feeling like blogging all of a sudden. Ok fine I do actually know why D: I really need to get back to continuous blogging again; I've missshed bloggie! *cross my heart*

New semester is here! Funnily enough, I only realize the amount of credit hours you have doesn't really matter if you're going to Australia; they assess your admission on a case-by-case basis, so what really matters are the grades. Made a bold decision: taking only 3 subjects for this long semester - Psychology, Anthropology, and Public Speaking. Anthro is really really interesting! Psychology was kinda disappointing, cuz I don't like kinda-bio-related stuff, and the first 3 chapters is... ... bio. :(

Angeline (public speaking lecturer) is really really cool! I don't often mean it when I say someone is cool but, she's cool cool. She swears. In class. Very loudly. Uncensored. HELL YEAAAA. (sneaky grin)

Been going through a lot lately, not the obvious kind of 'a lot', but I've just been wavering between the February intake and the July intake. Loads of realizations, loads of conflicting importance; the most obvious decisions, but the hardest to make. The weight of growing up, I guess? It drags you down, and really makes you think - not for me myself but consequences of people around me. Its just... ... kinda depressing. I mean I guess people say it's for the better, but I kinda like the childish carefree me better. Also, (totally random but) the workload of the conference + Society is killing me. So I'm sorry if I seem snappy, but my general mood nowadays is below the neutral line.

PS: Sneaky sneaky little feet got busted. No sneaking for a while. :(
PPS: I kinda, kinda miss the brother. Just a little bit.

JY

freeze the time please please pretty please

When you wanted that movie you called me twice a day to ask when you could get it. Now I schedule a meeting and I reach your voicemail 9 out of 10 times I call you. This cannot be a conincidence. Fine if you don't wanna come, but just freaking send me a text.

And mummy is pouring me vodka again. =S

JY
getting cranky cause i miss you like mad

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
Not even close
Not even a little bit
Not even at all

JY
I am duper selfish

Why do I always tend to feel like blogging when I have so much to do?!?!

So. Mass Com's final exam is tomorrow, then SEMBREAK! This is the most anticipated holiday of my life! *jumps up and down* Okay no actually I anticipate every holiday BUT STILL!!! :D
This semester has been hectic like shit; I needed a break =/

Agenda for this sembreak:
SLEEP! I'm omfg sleep-deprived now
Stuff for ISAC
Read. Do you know how long it's been since I actually sat down and actually read a nice book?
Shop. Need a new cardigan. And formal wear. Urgent!
Visit darlie in Kepala Batas. And fetch her back to Penang <3
Catch up with girls. It's been agggggggggees
Swim! omg flab under my arms D:
Movies. I swear I'm gonna finish watch everything on my HD
SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP

*ok i'm hyper cuz i'm sleep-deprived and i'm high on redbull now

JY
i miss you like mad :(

Word of this semester:
SHIT

Definition: A not-so-rude rude word that a not-so-rude rude person use when in circumstances of dismay, displeasure, shock, amazement, sarcasm, sudden realization and all other situation which causes a person to swear.

1) Shit! I need to pass up my assignment tomorrow and I haven't touched it yet! x(
2) Shit, that shit is shit disgusting. :|
3) Hah?! Today is the due date ah?! SHIT! >;0
4) Did you see that?! Shit, I am awesome! :D
5) No shit. -.-
6) Shit, I think I miss you. T.T

JY
Damnnnnnnn.

Hell yeah.

JY

I have a confession to make. And it's like freaking weird. Random, yes, but damn weird.

Sometimes when I am in a bad mood but I cannot afford to be in a bad mood (like when I have an assignment due tomorrow and I have to do it instead of hiding under my blanket and brawl), I put on my favourite dress and go on doing what I have to do (like my assignment).

It sickens me that I think I am slightly psychotic? Eww.

JY
i'm putting rice in the bottle
everytime i miss you :)

As I am typing this I have 7 pages of Mass Com assignment (due Monday), a programme budget and final programme flow for Kevin (due yesterday T.T), and my ethics short answers thingy (idk when it's due) left TOTALLY UNTOUCHED. By untouched I mean haven't even started, like not even an empty document file exists for them. And I have NOT been procrastinating. *die, Jia Ying, die*

This past week has been hell. No wait, scratch that. This semester has been hell. First off, it has been a total mistake taking 3 subjects. Padan muka lah you! But yeah, the assignments are killing me. Its like a neverending flow of tasks that keeps coming and coming and coming and coming no matter how many you pass up. Then there's the fact that I have the conference thingy to worry about. But that I'm not complaining. I honestly learnt a lot, and we're only still taking off. Then there's the fact that you're not here. Like not here not here. Haven't gotten used to that yet, and I doubt I ever will.

It's been really really hard, but I lived through 3 weeks without you haven't I? I think I can live through the 3 years. But dammmmmmmmmnn, imisssssshhhhhhsssyouuuuuuu.

Okay if I keep blabbling I'm not gonna have time to finish my Mass Com Assignment! OMG *iwanttostabmyself*Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom ;p

JY
I am addicted to buttocks.

I need to blab; I know this is so freaking random and I know I should feel really bad for abandoning my blog until I'm about to burst and need a place to pour out my amplituding emotions; but I don't care, I need to.

*bawls like a baby*

I don't care how childish this sounds; I need you here with me and I don't ever want you to leave. Stay, please, please stay. Then again I don't want you to feel trapped here when I know you could do so well in somewhere else. So I'm gonna stay strong, fix a smile on my face and wave you goodbye.

You're not like an assignment I loathe doing, I can't push this to the end of my mind and go: Ok, I don't wanna think about this anymore. Tell me how not to think about you. I've fallen into your trap and I can't pull myself out. Time is scary, time changes a lot. However much however hard we try, however sincerely we say 'I won't change', how can we be so sure? This is something I don't ever want to end. But the feeling, deep inside me, the feeling that I know one day I'd have to end it before you, is eating me up. I am really really tired of people leaving all the time; I don't do well with goodbyes. I hate people dying, I hate sending people off to the airport if I know I will not see them for a period of years. I hate departures, I hate the leave and the emptyness. I hate you, I hate you for letting me fall so deep into you. But also I am madly, unconditionally, truly head-over-heels in love with you, as I know you are with me. That is why I'd hate you for leaving, and I'd hate myself for leaving too.

JY
ineedya

Craaaaaaaaaaap.

" lie on the stone cold floor and mourn with me; let the cold of the tiles eat into your heart, instead of emotional coldness, feel it physically. can't stand it, too cold. pry your hands away, unstick your back from the still tiles. shower. need a shower. twist the lever to the left, let the burning hot water run though you. feel it burn your back. like knives, slicing and stabbing you. red, burned, raw. raw. peel away the guilt. burn it away, every inch of it - every inch of you. done. now, plaster on a fake smile and walk on. "

psychotic feelings creeps me out; i scare even me sometimes.

JY

At the end of the day it wouldn't matter how tired and down and disappointed I was at the world, and how I thought that no one actually cares. Because no matter how sorry I felt at myself, I always feel better; and I know I would always want my bad days to end like that, around your arms or on your shoulder, and always in your heart.

JY

i think i love you