Wow. Back to Blogger? Hah! Don't count on it too much. Every time I say I am back to blogging for good, I always end up forcing myself to write a few feeble post then I sink back to hibernation again. Sigh.

I wanted to just start over clean, have a nice and neat new blog (this was really messed up before), so I  kind of started a new blog. But I wanted the old posts and everything! So I finally took time out to sort my blog out and make it at least presentable. The old template was vomit-inducing. Bleh.

So, nothing's new. I'm still in Melbourne, I'm still doing psych, I'm still breathing and well. (If you count being stressed like crazy 'well') Got 3 essays 1 workbook and 2 tests this month, and I'm generally in a slightly-under-neutral mood, so excuse my blunt sentences.

Oh well. At least there's bacon. :)

Lost. In all aspects of my life, I have never felt so lost.

You'll never know how independent you can be until you are truly independent.

It's been exactly 3 months since I left home, but honestly, once I got used to this foreign city, it felt like so much more than 3 months. Before I came I didn't really want to admit it to myself that I was leaving, cuz I didn't really wanna feel all that messed up when I still don't need to. So on the very last morning, when I woke up thinking that this was my last day at home, the emotions rushed in, and I spent the whole morning crying. *hesitate* Well a lot of it was by mum and grandma, but I cried a lot anyway. I'm proud of myself though; a lot of people have the 'I don't wanna go any more' thoughts before they leave, I never had that. I was still really looking forward to my new life here.

I had quite a lot to get used to. For one, I miss driving, a lot. For another, I hate - hate - long distance relationships. Me and my boyfriend have had experience in long distance relationships; back then we were in different collages anddifferent states. We got used to the adjustments and the compromises, but it wasn't all that bad actually. Even in worst case scenarios, I'd still get to see him at least once or twice a month. But now we're in different countries, different time zones, and we have such different lives. After 3 months I still find it difficult to not be able to reach him whenever I need him, and I doubt I'll ever get use to this distance. But I'm not just talking about my boyfriend here. There'll be times when I have little, totally random things to tell a certain friend, or my mum, or my aunts, but it's not so easy any more. The trouble of calling versus the tiny insignificant random one thing you wanna say, well, it just doesn't make sense. I still call them, but I'd miss them even when I'm talking to them. I guess I'm just the kind of girl that prefers face-to-face interaction. Oh, and when the internet connection breaks down...makes me wanna literally cry in frustration.

Then there are these little things that you can never prepare yourself to face, and can't really bring yourself to tell people when you're having trouble with them. Like when I first came here I was appalled at how they use they're plastic bags. In Penang, plastic bags are banned, so we don't ever use plastic bags, unless we go to the wet market. Here they use plastic bags like it's free! (okay it is free for us, but not for them! I mean they have to pay someone to get these plastic bags right? uhm, okay I'm digressing.) They'd put 2 or 3 items in one bag and then use a new bag for the next item! On a typical shopping trip I'd have about 5 or 6 different bags when all of my groceries could actually fit into 2 bags! When they rip open a new bag I wanted to shout at them to keep loading my things into the old bag! And after that I'd spend the journey home thinking about how many bags they use in a day, and where those bags end up, and what's gonna happen to them, and what people are gonna do with them. Okay I know this is weird but I'd really think about them for a whole hour or so! And it kinda makes it impossible for you to have a good day when you spend a whole hour thinking of plastic bags. *pouts*

People in Melbourne are so friendly. And I mean sooooooo friendly! You'd walk down the street and have total strangers greeting you. If you're standing in line for coffee, the cashier, the window cleaner, and the person behind you in the line will all wish that you have a nice day. In my first week here I would never greet anyone back, it's just so weird! I'd be giving nice innocent people sceptical looks, thinking what they want from me. Within a few weeks of being in Melbourne, I've also noticed that people say 'Cheers!' instead of 'Thank you!', so I jumped on the wagon. But when I said 'Cheers' to people they tend to gimme this very weird look. So I started observing whether Asian girls say 'Cheers' and it turns out Asian girls in Melbourne just stick together with Asian girls so it was no problem for them. (Oh and for the record, use 'Thanks'. It's the safest)

Okay I am ranting again so I'm gonna just end very abruptly now. Oh and, 37 days until I fly home! I'm going to eat every hawker food I can think of and I'm gonna become so gloriously fat. :D

That awkward moment when you're just shy, but somehow your group member in a quiz thinks that you're a free rider.

The thing about living in a hostel is that you have to share. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate sharing. Sharing means socializing, and that's awesome. Its just that sometimes different people have different levels of sharing that they're comfortable with.

When I first moved in I bought a pot from Coles, just enough to prepare meals for 1 or 2. I wanted to use that for myself; the sharing one was really icky (and I mean really icky, it had rust on it). Then my friends wanted to borrow it - to reheat their soup, to warm milk, to boil tea. I thought: No harm, since they wash it before returning it to me. At first they were super polite about it, asking me first before they use it. Then we grew closer, and then they'd just tell me when they use it. Then eventually they don't even ask nor tell me - I'd find my pot missing from my ladder space, walk to the kitchen and find them using it. And when I ask for it, "Gimme half an hour, let me finish making this soup first". And when they're done, they leave it on the stove unwashed for me.

The pot was a anti-stick pot (note the past-tense), but when more and more people used it, the more battered it got. Some people used their silverware to stir their food in the pot, so over time my poor pot got little scratches over it, then eventually the anti-stick quality was gone. One day I took out my pot to discover the bottom of it was burned. One day I saw that someone broke the handle of the lid. Today, I couldn't find my pot at all. When I finally found it on the common shelf, it was lidless. The lid was gone. What. The. Frog.

What pissed me off the most was that, when I first bought the pot, I asked my friends whether they wanna share the pot or not. If they think they wanna use it, then we'll split the price of the pot (fair right?). But they said no, they don't think they'll be using it a lot. What. The. Frog.

Okay enough ranting. I gotta go study for my finals. 40 days till I fly home! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy kthxbai!

Hey you. There will be a moment, far away from now, when the sun is shining and the weather is so beautiful, and you are walking down your favourite market, eating a peach with its juice running down your fingers; there will be that moment where you will feel happy all by yourself, and it will feel nearly perfect. But then there will also be this moment when deep down, you know that the moment will be even more perfect is he is by your side.

So. Mehhhhh. Such a mellow ponder for a first blog post in such a long time. But whatever, hello again Blogger!

Curse you damn sound-permeable door and walls. I wake up at 7am everyday now, feeling tired and groggy and knowing that I still unwilling to wake up. Damn you, rude/loud long-time-temporary guest. And so I've spend my early morning stalking people's blogs, and I found myself grumbling: 'Why they never update one?' But then again I haven't update my blog since... ...December. *guilty okay-guy face*

2012 have been... ....very 2012. For one, I have been eating a lot this year! *guilty* But then again I consider myself thin so I guess I have the privilege to continue eating a lot. >:)

Secondly, college feels so different now, to be honest I am doubting my way of progression. I am only taking two subjects this semester, So I only have class 3 days a week. And the classes that I take (Philosophy and Personality) isn't like maths science subjects, where a lot of people take them - my Personality class only holds seven people. Including me. So the downside of this very free timetable is that I see my college friends a lot less. It's not like I have a consistent crowd I hang out with, but it'd be nice to not just chat through Facebook and texts always.

Another downside of this very loose timetable: I have too much free time. Some people think it's a good thing. It's not. You think a lot more, thus you get emo easier. I'm working to fill up the free time; I go to the gym a lot more this semester, and I'm working quite hard to catch up with old friends again. Don't freaking ask me to study okay?! One does not simply study during his/her free time. (okay wait that was a bad one) I guess assignments are a bit better this semester, as I have ample time to complete them, but *ahem!* Mr. Procrastinating does not seem to want to leave me alone. eh-heh.

I really felt like I've grown, emotionally, mentally, and also my hair. Now that I'm in my second year of college, I see a lot of juniors in Inti, and I can't help but think of a year back. I remember looking up to my seniors with the 'Wahhhhh...' I guess that prompt me to act more like a senior? I can't help but thinking that I should be more awesome for them to look up to. Ahhh, wait this is crap. @#$%^&*!

There's this thing: I don't feel like I'm growing out of my old friends, but I feel like they've grown out of me. Particularly those who've gone far far away. I know that I haven't been putting in full effort to stay in touch, but I do try, I do. What saddens me is that some of them don't even try. It's thinking too much, but I feel like they have, in a way, grown out of me. New (and late) new year resolution: Put in better effort to contact old friends.

JY

I haven't have the urge to blog in a while, not since I found a consistent someone to babble to, but... ... Yeah, never mind.

To be honest, I kinda miss the times before February. For one, everyone was where they were supposed to be; besties are all still around, brother still around, parents are overly available. I miss having someone to talk to. I miss having someone else to talk to when someone is not available. It's... ...lonely, now. I miss having someone there for me.

This absence of everyone really kinda messes with your head. 10 minutes ago I was scrolling down my phone list to find someone to randomly blab about my horrible horrible day but I ended up here to rant instead; never thought I would sink so low. I'm not angry, I'm not mad, and I'm not depressed; I'm just very slightly annoyed, honestly.

So my horrible day starts with me waking up at normal time - I wanted to wake up earlier cause grandparents want to eat breakfast outside and I'm supposed to fetch them and I thought the earlier we go the earlier I get to come back and study. But ok, nevermind. Then after breakfast grandmother dragged my time asking me to wait awhile she get vegetables; I ended up waiting nearly an hour. By the time I got home it was nearly noon. But ok, nevermind. Planned to study wit April at Starbucks, waited for brother to get ready cause he said he wanted to go out also, nearly half-an-hour later he decided he's not going. But ok, nevermind. Studied at Starbucks, but then I realized it's almost impossible to study Public Speaking. Ok, nevermind. Around 4.30 I got a call from grandmother saying we left her vegetables in my car and she tells me there are fish and prawns inside. Rushed back home to freeze them and my car smells like rotten seafood now but ok, nevermind. Got home and found nothing to eat and still failed ordering pizza. But ok, nevermind, cause boyf called for a short while and also promised that he'll call again after he bath, which cheered me up. Turns out he forgot and went gaming while I was checking my phone every 10 minutes wondering why his bath took so long, but ok, nevermind, cause parents skyped me from China and I blabbed to them, but daddy laughed at me saying I talk too much sometimes. So ok, nevermind, cause I'm going upstairs to study again. So, nevermind.

I am not angry I am not mad, but I am not fine either. I'm annoyed. And have you ever felt so annoyed that you feel like crying but then crying makes my eyes puffy so nevermind, cause I bought ice cream and I'm gonna eat 'em!

So it's a really boring, long-winded ranting kind of post, but those of you who are still here reading this, thank you because you are here for me, however distantly. And thank you for knowing about my day.

I am updating in Public Speaking class LOL.

So I have been sick on and off, on and off, for the whole week. Fever, cold, diarrhoea, the fever again. In a sense I think I want to be sick. I now it sound's weird, but I really just wanna lie down and sleep like there's no tomorrow and have an excuse for it. Blahhhh.

I haven't been doing so good recently, study-wise. I have cleared off all assignments and presentations accumulated due to ISAC and Brastagi trip; but I realized I have so much more to do. Finals are coming up in exactly one month. I am quite confident about Public Speaking, but Psychology and Anthropology is killing me. I have started revising a few chapters in Psychology so I guess I'll be able to finish in time; but GAWD. The Anthropology textbook is soooo dry. Facts facts facts facts, very very few pictures, and the style of writing just wants to put me to sleep. I am dooooooooooooomed. :(

Ok, Miss Angeline is eyeing me. I have to stop here.

JY

-The feeling you get when you lost contact with the world for a couple of days, and you come back and find everyone else has moved on leaving you behind; now that is depressing.

-I like last year's birthday; the other 17 years, not so much. I don't know about the ones I can't remember, but all those I can, I don't specially enjoy. When you expect much, you be let down much more. I am not the kind of person whom the world celebrates as I grow a year older; I hoped to be, but I'm not.

-I know it's only a couple of days left, but I'm tired and I'm exhausted of missing you all the time.

-Brastagi trip wasn't as bad as I expected, but it's no blast either. The thing is that when I came back I just feel like I'm back to the place I didn't leave and you did.

-Some people think I'm strong, I'm not. My strength is not with me at the moment.

-I am having a lot of trouble finding things that would cheer me up recently. Things don't entertain me.

-You'd think a vacation would do you good. My vacation gave me a fever, a backache, and tonnes of work left undone. And it wasn't even a vacation I chose to go to. I went because there wasn't enough not-too-old-people or not-too-young-people to take care of the too-old-people and the too-young-people. The only thing good about it was that I had a lot of good pictures taken.

-I find that I stop having the urge to blog. Recent events have caused me to realize that the feeling of wanting to share thoughts and ponders is directed to only a few people. What's the point.

-I am a sad sad sad miserable piece of human being. I am better off existing in non-existance. Please ignore me.

-I cry. I am freaking sentimental. I cry.

-I miss you; why is that so hard to grasp? And why is the feeling so hard to get used to?

JY

Please excuse me. I am a lazy blogger. Plus, I have loads to do these days.





OK, fine. I am just plain lazy.
kthxbai

JY

When I first got into a relationship with my boyf I told only 4 people. 2 of whom have left the country; one other is not in Penang; the only one of them in Penang needs to study for her SPMs; and my boyf is across the sea 2 hours away. So, no. No one gets to tease me about how much a stalker I'm being; because I miss them, so yeah, I am an avid stalker. I miss them.

JY

I miss everyone.

JY

you are my greatest gift

:')

Seeeeee, I dunno why I stop feeling like blogging all of a sudden. Ok fine I do actually know why D: I really need to get back to continuous blogging again; I've missshed bloggie! *cross my heart*

New semester is here! Funnily enough, I only realize the amount of credit hours you have doesn't really matter if you're going to Australia; they assess your admission on a case-by-case basis, so what really matters are the grades. Made a bold decision: taking only 3 subjects for this long semester - Psychology, Anthropology, and Public Speaking. Anthro is really really interesting! Psychology was kinda disappointing, cuz I don't like kinda-bio-related stuff, and the first 3 chapters is... ... bio. :(

Angeline (public speaking lecturer) is really really cool! I don't often mean it when I say someone is cool but, she's cool cool. She swears. In class. Very loudly. Uncensored. HELL YEAAAA. (sneaky grin)

Been going through a lot lately, not the obvious kind of 'a lot', but I've just been wavering between the February intake and the July intake. Loads of realizations, loads of conflicting importance; the most obvious decisions, but the hardest to make. The weight of growing up, I guess? It drags you down, and really makes you think - not for me myself but consequences of people around me. Its just... ... kinda depressing. I mean I guess people say it's for the better, but I kinda like the childish carefree me better. Also, (totally random but) the workload of the conference + Society is killing me. So I'm sorry if I seem snappy, but my general mood nowadays is below the neutral line.

PS: Sneaky sneaky little feet got busted. No sneaking for a while. :(
PPS: I kinda, kinda miss the brother. Just a little bit.

JY

freeze the time please please pretty please

When you wanted that movie you called me twice a day to ask when you could get it. Now I schedule a meeting and I reach your voicemail 9 out of 10 times I call you. This cannot be a conincidence. Fine if you don't wanna come, but just freaking send me a text.

And mummy is pouring me vodka again. =S

JY
getting cranky cause i miss you like mad