i finished 'Flowers For Algernon' by Daniel Keyes. i have to say it's a pretty good book, but it took me longer than usual to finish it. i haven't properly finish a book since 2009, like seriously. last year cuz of SPMs mostly i jump through chapters of favourite books, short stories collections, compilations etc. mostly i rely on audiobooks, but it really isn't like real reading. *digress*

so finishing 'Flowers for Algernon' somewhat makes me feel heavy. its the story i suppose, and the way that it was written. the writing style grows with the inclining plot, like the spelling corrections and the punctuations as Charlie's IQ raises. and i like the ending, it's unexpected.
... ok why does this feel like i'm making a review about the book? -.-

dot dot dots. these days i feel very easily pissed off and i'm feeling a bit sick. this afternoon i was super hungry, ordered rice. but when the food came i looked at it and felt like puking. what the toot is wrong with me? i think i'm going to be sick.

i'm not sure about anything anymore. thank you for making me smile all this while, but i'm afraid it will turn into something more. i think what i feel is right, but u might not think this way. i don't know what is real anymore. baby make it real for me please.

JY

Ok i really have nothing to talk about; mainly i just wanna push down the 'thats it' post. Imagine people come read and the first thing they see is 'Thats it. Enough is enough.' So solemn and unfriendly-looking.

Sigh, i would have thought that after SPMs i would be updating my blog like mad cuz i'd finally have the time to actually sit down and type. Wrong wrong wrong. When i was busy i'd have loads of feelings and complaints and rants and a lot of updates. You see i'm now doing nothing(yet) and so i'm not feeling like anything and i literaly have nothing to talk about. You see! Even this sounds bullshitty and long winded. But nevermind.

12th Jan. Went backpacking with the brother and AJ. We were supposed to follow the heritage trail but we ended up walking along Armenian Street only then walked to Fort Cornwallis. I didn't planned this trip for a very long time, it was super spontaneous; i just felt like exploring Penang for a bit and so the next day we went. So unlike me. I'm too lazy for details, but pictures are in my Facebook. Oh yes, we discovered a second hand bookshop in Penang! Excited excited excited. Am going ASAP.

13th Jan. Accompanied the brother to British Counsil and Studylink for enquiries; i thought it was gonna take so freaking long so i lepas someone's aeroplane. But in the end we finished everything before 3 so we ended up in 1st Avenue for 'great day'. I felt pretty good after that cuz the brother was reluctant to watch it and i convienced him. When we came out he ate his words and said it was a really good movie. I was all like :D

So i sort of felt sort of emo last night. The offer from Uni of Tasmania came for my brother like finally. I was happy for him and all, but all the same i was feeling sort of emo cuz it means he'll be leaving in less than 3 weeks. :'( *sniff* My brother has been coming and going for 7 years now, ever since he started high school, but somehow this time's leaving seemed more real cuz he has been home for the last half a year, and this is the furthest away he'll be going. And then through all the emoness i remember i'll be leaving next year too, for my degree, and i get even more emo. What the hell is wrong with me. But credits to someone i went to sleep in a good mood. :)

So excuse me for this totally pointless rant post, but i really have nothing else to say.

JY

THAT'S IT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
My Facebook account, my Twitter page, My blog. They are an outpost of my moods and feelings, laments and rants from my non-existent life. I never opposed to anyone reading my blog before, I even 'friended' family, relatives, family friends, teachers, etc on Facebook - WHICH MOST PEOPLE MY AGE REFUSE TO DO - and I think that gesture alone is a sign of my respect to you; I don't only want you to look upon me as a niece, a cousin, a younger generation in the family, but also as a friend. So please. Please please please, don't destroy the bit of respect I have for you. Social networks are to let people know what you are up to, a thread to connect us all, a place to keep in touch. I let people know what I am doing in my life, BUT YOU DON'T EFFING REPORT TO THE WORLD MY EVERY SINGLE STATUS AND POST. Seriously, if you guys like to spread news that much, go work in a newspaper company. I statused that I'm currently looking for a part time job, the next day, EVERY FAMILY MEMBER IS DISCUSSING IT BEHIND MY BACK. I don't mind if you ask me about it in front of me, but nooooo. You talk about it behind my back, and then twists the truth, come up with your own clever conclusion, and continue spreading the manipulated news. Seriously, I thought these things only happen in high school and movies. Have you ever considered the fact that if you are actually important enough or that IT IS ACTUALLY YOUR BUSINESS AT ALL, I WOULD TELL YOU PERSONALLY. So please, don't breach the respect that I have for you all.

And for the last time, stop being so over-protective/over-sensitive. I don't open up my private life in social networks, I preserve an appropriate amount of privacy. I don't tell the world "I have my period today! It's late :( "or "who who who kissed me!" or "I have 36F boobies!" or "I live in 123, Lorong kulit, 45600. Come rob me! ;) " Jesus Christ (sowee) chillax, people.

ps: If you're so lame that you are actually wondering whether someone really kissed me today or whether I indeed got my period late, you are SERIOUSLY being over-protective/over-sensitive and I will be careful NEVER to tell you even a single detail of my life ever again.

STOP STALKING ME.
Thankyouverymuch.

JY

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS!

Sorry this is so damn late; but it's so boring that I don't feel like updating. It's been like hell these days, like living under a well. Grandma's birthday dinner went okay, the family photos are (pffft!) dark and not nice cuz we didn't go to a studio(I am tempted but I'm not gonna say I told you so to the mother's face), and the cousins and aunts went back to KL. Carb fest OVAHHH! Oh, speaking of which, I so need to lose the pounds I packed on these few days. *guilty much* =/ Been watching Marry Me, Mary for the past few days. Quite good I guess. Other than that not really doing anything much. Ok, I've got nothing else to say for now; I'm gonna go continue doing nothing. To those of you who's been living an interesting life, BOO ON YOU! ;p

JY

I'm determined to have one more post before the new year.

So these few days have been relatively borrrring. So boring I'm almost wishing for the pre-SPM days. And I'm so not exaggerating. I've just been at home, baking, watching TV, clean up my room, watch TV again, read, watch more TV etc. Oh and I've decided House is worth watching; I've decided that the character is annoying, not the show. I got Season 1 from my brother. Haven't started yet tho.

So here's the thing. (NO JUDGING!) I sort of dyed my hair. Sort of. It was all a joke at first. Me and Colgate were talking about how ugly/pretty/long/short our hair is talk talk talk talk talk talk until very high dy then suddenly I decided to cut my hair then we were in Watsons and choosing hair colour then we went back to her house and took turns dying it for each other but after we washed off it wasn't very obvious anyway cuz we choose a very dark chocolate shade I mean it's been two days and my parents haven't noticed it yet so I guess it was a waste of money and energy but then again not quite cuz it's visible under sunlight or even the white lights in my house and right after I wash and blow dry my hair my parents haven't said anything but I think my mum is starting to suspect cuz when I talk to hers she kept shooting glances at my hair.
OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DID IT. I still can't say 'I dyed my hair' out loud cuz then I feel like such a badass girl. I must be mad. So yeah.

On a different note, mother said I didn't look too excited to be going-to-be-able to drive. I AM very excited, but I don't have the can't-wait feeling because I actually have plenty of people to drive me around as long as it's in Penang. I feel so guilty sometimes they drive all the way down to fetch me. And some more most of the time they wouldn't let me pay for meals! T.T Ah, but I digress. The point is the mother told me to get my driving license by end of Jan next year, practice practice practice the whole of February, then by March I'll be driving myself to college everyday. She said daddy will be going to work, the brother would be in Australia/NZ if all goes well, and she needs to teach; I have to drive myself to everywhere I wanna go. I already know I'll have loads of driving opportunities if I just wait, so what's there to be excited about.

And update about the decisions and decisions on tertiary education. 99% I'll do the American Degree Transfer Program majoring Psychology in the March intake. Now the question that remains is that whether I should take the 2+2 and go USA, or whether I should do the program in 1+3 and go to Australia. What do you think? I need your opinions!

JY

21st: Went for undang talk. Was supposed to go with Kuga but she went early cuz she has NS. *sulk. But I saw Adeline and Jim, sat with them. Oh but GAWD. You cannot believe the amount of time I spent nodding off. zzz

22nd & 23rd: Class PARTAAAAAY! slash apartment stay. To tell the truth that was my first sleep over; can't believe it took so long for the mother to finally say yes. I can imagine her in the YES 4G advertisement already. "YES. You can go for a sleepover." Then the blue colour YES word would appea... ... Ahem. My bad. I should cut da crap. Neeways. The class party slash apartment stay was so freaking AWESOME! Honestly I really really like the gathering. I don't really have to say how awesome it is, everyone that was there knows. The midnight talk was... unforgettable. Unexpected but not awkward, thank God. I didn't sleep a wink and spend the rest of the day catching up on zzz's. I didn't actually notice how I enjoyed our time together till we weren't actually spending time together. I'm so gonna miss you guys!

24th: Boring, unproductive, disappointing day. Woke up late, go online, checked my mail(they still haven't reply), watched The Hangover, read Undang for a bit, then Queens to pick up skirt from Bernessa. The only thing good about today was the skirt. Loved it! But can't be excited no adrenaline cuz am all hot and bothered about no one replying me all the time. You know I was hoping he'd reply by now, cuz X'mas eve would be an off day see, no work. But damn, so disappointed. :(

(check da time of this post)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Update: Turns out he was working x'mas eve as well, worked till 3+ midnight. Still, he couldn't have sent a colder reply. *sulk*

JY

Now that I've gotten over the euphoria of post-SPM, I really need to list down the stuff that I need to do. It seems so awesome at first; finish SPM, head out with friends everyday, 3 months of freedom and doing whatever I want. But then once you get over the high-ness of finally having no more major exams, you realize there's actually much much more to do and to think about. To tell the truth I sometimes think I prefer the pre-SPM days. Pre-SPM, everything is laid out for us, everything planned perfectly for us; no thinking, no decisions to make. All you need to do it to work hard and study. Now, seems like everything requires consideration, everything have to be decided, choose your collage, choose the course you want, plan my budget(don't have to wanna ask for money), decide if I'm going to work(Dad doesn't want me to work) etc. I feel like I'm finally feeling the burden of growing up, like really grow up. Back then, all I do is whatever my parents wanted I to do, go here go there, eat this, study, choose science stream, quit drama, quit Olahraga, become a prefect. And once in while rebel a little to make life a bit more interesting. But it feels so different now; I wanted to grow up so badly, to make my own choices, I want my decisions to count for something, I want my parents to respect my choices. I want to make a difference. Somehow now the time has come where I'm suppose to make decisions, really make them, and I feel... ...frightened. The choices that I'm gonna make is gonna affect me a lot, and I feel like if I make the wrong decision life is going to be very different(and hard). I wish I knew if there is someone else also feeling this way.

It seem so fast that I've grown up, I am excited about it, but also I am frightened.

JY

Later today is the last day I'll be going to school. To tell the truth, my high school isn't perfect(pfft its far from it) in fact the school doesn't contribute one bit. It's the people that matters; from all my friends to teachers and even the gardener. (wey the gardener is v nice ok. he's in my I'll Miss list) I know I'll probably get nice friends, nice teachers, nice gardeners in other high schools as well, but the feeling just isn't the same. Given the choice all over again, it would still be Heng Ee High School.

*****

During 5 years of high school I... :

1. ...have been hated. I hear you say everyone has haters whaaaat. Haha, but not everyone has a classful of haters. Form1 and form2 I was a dickhead, an ass, and an I-know-everything-and-u-don't monitor. Hahaha thankfully I'm not like that now. (pause) Right?

2. ...ran like the wind. I was in the school Olahraga team for 2 years. Gosh I loved that feeling, it was like you can't really think of anything else if you're really running, except the 'thump thump thump' but then again sometimes you can't really tell whether thats your heart or your legs. I loved it also because there was, ahem, something worth the hours under the blazing sun. That memory will never ever ever be forgotten. But, ehh, that's another story. The good is that I loved it. The bad is that I mixed in the wrong crowd, skipped tons of lessons, spend more time on the field than on homework, and became so tanned that I could pass as a fair Indian. Gawd I looked hideous.
3. ...fell in and out of love. Naive me, being fooled around by a guy like this. Well it was nice while it lasted, but I've grown up now. Heh, funny now the only reminder of him is this Titanic DVD picture; I gave it to him for his birthday. Nvm that's an inside story.
4. ...been on stage emcee-ing every concert. Nothing to say on this one. They were fond memories, but stressful and very dark-eye-circle inducing. But really, I've been backstage/on stage more than I've been in the audience.
5. ...experienced no sleep for 30 hours at times. (ok unless you count like 10 minutes-ish in class) Sometimes it was Co-curricular practice, sometimes I prepare for upcoming competitions, sometimes homework or projects due the next day, sometimes it was exams, once it was talking on the phone the whole night with the ex. but these last 2 year it has always been school work or exams. As I grew older I began to learn that there are other things more important in life than that one guy that made your heart flutter. But i digress.

6. ...met a bunch of awesome(!) friends. Well, not so much in form 1 & 2(refer back to no.1). Once I changed my attitude a bit, socialize a bit more, I got myself these awesome awesome awesome(with exclamation mark!)people that accompanied me through ups and downs. Thank you all. Ily. (1st pict the classies 2nd pict the darlings)
7. ...became a prefect. And definitely not voluntarily I tell you. I did everything NOT to become a prefect, didn't work. So I changed my perspective and it turned out not that bad. I figured out who my real friends are and who are the fakers; you see everyone in HEHS hate prefects, except prefects themselves. The first day I wore my prefect uniform to school, some people stopped talking to me completely. The first week was disaster man. (you know if the skirts were shorter I wouldn't mind that much; at least I'll have nicer uniform than other people)
8. ...got into serious disciplinary trouble, ONCE. Aww, I'm such a goodie good girl. That one time I wore white sport shoes as school shoes to school; tried to worm my way out saying I thought they were allowed. Haha the discipline teacher got even madder and I got into even more trouble. Which is why it was serious. But the first 3 years of high school I have been written in the disciplinary file at least 5 times every year, no misses. Last 2 years: zero times. *pats myself on the back*

*****

And those are the 8 things I have done in high school. Wanted to make it 10, but can't think of anything else at the moment. I doubt very much I'll be returning to HEHS for form6, so today I'ma say all my goodbyes to the school later. Cliche and cheesy as it sound, I'll miss ya, Heng Ee.

JY
Wish me luck for BC!

WTFfffffffff. What a terrible night. If I ever see that guy and incidentally he is driving I will pretend to be faint and I wouldn't get on his car even if you force me with a freaking parang. WTF it was raining and he's still speeding and he has been freaking DRINKING. But I managed to reach home without a scratch, I am alive! I love everyone.

JY

Funny as I'm writing this I feel somewhat obligated to do it, like I'm doing some kinda homework. "yea cuz you've been swearing to update when you finish bio" WEY SHUDDUP YOU! Oh the guilt! Nevermind that. I'm here now. *smiles with teeth*

SPM has been... ...catastrophic. No like seriously, out of so many exams, this is the worst that I've been doing. So many things have been happening. My teacher died from cancer on 23rd, and I totally read the WRONG tips for Sejarah, did OK for Add Maths(should have lah cuz I only slept 2 hours), sucked donkey balls for Physics(when u've only slept 5 hours for 50 hours u cant really rmb what u studied the night before), and bio was...no A. AND not to mention all the walls in my house is so freaking sound-permeable! Like seriously! For nights that I slept early I nearly always wake up suddenly cuz my dad came home, or cuz the phone rang, or someone(mum) talking extremely loudly. I can even hear what they're talking about, and I'm not exaggerating.

Oh well, it ends. (well ok not technically, there's still BC but who cares about that) And I am on a mission... ...to save my vampire eyes. Bought like tons of cucumbers already, if cannot finish can blend them mah.

Kay i'm off to beautify my eyes bai.

JY

oh hai ebeli wan dis is chiu jeok ying here and i has gone maaaad cuz i has only slept like 5 or 6 hours de laz 48 hours and i has becam laik dis and i is not liking itbai nao i am going to slip zzz

JY

i tried
i just can't
i cried
i give up

JY

Can't freaking stand it no more. Must tell someone. Rant post rant post rant post.

I just saw someone retweeting this:Serioualy, I can't stand it. This kind of person - he checks how many followers he's gain since 5 minutes ago, then checks it 10 minutes later - retweeting this. I bet my buttocks that he only knows 5% of the people he follows. Sheeeeeesh... I like my ass, please don't make it drop off from excessive laughing. tqvmuch.

Kay must continue my process of daiiiiiiying. Yarggghhh!!!

JY
27 days to go.

My father is the most inappropriate, toady, hypocrite person I have ever the misfortune to meet, let alone have a blood tie with.

He blames people for never explaining anything to him, but he doesn't give people a chance to do so. He likes to joke, but most all the time no one can tell whether it's a joke or whether he's really pissed. He talks to everyone in the way a General talks to his army, bloody freaking loudly. He teases people a lot, but most of the time offending the person in question. He treats his children like investments. He pays for food and living expenses and stuff and expects profits multiply several hundred times. My father thinks he is the most successful person on the planet and cannot wait to share his shitload philosophy with everyone he meets. Everyone is suppose to look up to him and ask him for advise on every-freaking-thing, and whoever appears more successful than him either has an attitude problem or is an arse or has cancer and is worth him pitiying.

A conversation would be going well, everyone have fun and laughing. As soon as he walks in a joins in, I leave my chair. I don't want to risk earwax overloading.

JY

My heart gives an extra pound whenever I see your first name, which incidentally is a quite well-used name. At this rate my heart is probably gonna overbeat by the time I'm 30. It's worth it if it's for you, but you're not ever there. You're like smoke, when the wind blows you disappear. However I strive to keep you with me, you slip through my fingers everytime. imy

Oh God, I'm DAIIIIIYING here! There are approximately 13 days left till SPM starts, and I'm here updating my blog! (Not that I'm in any position to complain, I'm the one to stick my lazy ass here.) T_T

Seriously, I am this close to giving up already. It's like I don't know where to start revising, I don't know which exercise to start doing. I'm lost in the middle not knowing where to go. Argh, the frustration! *pulls out hair* OK, excuse me for now, I'm gonna go drown myself in self-pity while playing 'The Middle' on full blast.

It just takes some time

Little girl you're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be alright, alright

JY